It’s funny how life works. Only a year and a half ago, I was writing about not knowing what I wanted my next life chapter to look like, but that I was hopeful that the journey I was meant to follow would soon be calling…. and calling it did! Little did I know, however, that it would come in the way I least expected: love.
In the past, I have only moved countries for studying or for work. I always saw it as combining gaining life experiences and pursuing my career. Everything was always simple. I would move countries for a definite period of time, then come home and start looking for my next adventure once again. I always knew that I was coming back home at some point, when the semester/contract would end, or when I would feel like my experience was complete enough. Of course, I was always secretly hoping to meet someone along the way who would shake my plans up, but it was never the initial goal.
Love was never easy for me. Having a fear of abandonment, I always struggled to navigate in this field of life, always ending up going towards people whom I knew didn’t want to commit or ending up sabotaging the relationship myself by fear of being later abandoned. Nevertheless, I always remained hopeful and once I started doing therapy work to get myself out of this pattern, I started seeing how things could be different. And right in the mist of this change that was occurring in me, I reconnected with Daniël.
Long story short, I met Daniël back in 2016 during an international case competition taking place at my university in Montréal. After spending some time together during that week, we kept in touch, although we were both living our separate lives. We both went to live abroad in various countries, he had long-term relationships, and I had a long history of failed Tinder dates. But for 3.5 years, we stayed in touch as friends. He would message me every 2-3 months to ask about my life and we’d talk about travelling and living abroad.
After the pandemic struck in 2020 and we both found ourselves to be single, we started talking more and as time passed we decided to go travelling together. We were both bored at home and we were getting along so well, so we figured why not! We spent 15 days in Greece and it was simply magical. After the trip, we knew there was something there, but it was hard to see a future, seeing that we lived 5,500 km apart. Nevertheless, we continued talking and getting to know each other. We had made plans for him to come visit me in Montréal, but with the borders closing due to the pandemic, it became impossible to see each other.
A year later, travelling was once again possible and we decided to travel to Costa Rica for two weeks to spend more time together in person and see where we wanted to go from there. Afterwards, he came back with me to Montréal for a week to meet my friends and family and that’s when we knew that we had to give this a shot. It just felt so natural to be together. We already knew we travelled well together, but to spend time in my “normal” life at home really confirmed that it worked. However, in our situation, giving this a real try meant making a big move: someone had to move countries.
Living abroad again
As mentioned, I had moved countries many times before, just never in that context. At that point, I also already knew that I wanted to live abroad again. The pandemic had brought back this desire to leave again and adventure was calling. Therefore, it was also taking some of the pressure away from our relationship, as I wouldn’t be moving solely for that purpose. But still, the idea of having part of this decision being for a guy terrified me. What if it didn’t work out? But then again, I had never felt this comfortable and happy with someone, so the next question that came to my mind was “But what if it did work out?”.
In all my years of dating, I had never felt this safe with someone. Safe to be myself, but also safe in knowing that we are able to communicate openly with each other about what we want. Although our situation was a bit particular, I had never felt insecure in my relationship with Daniël and he had never made me doubt that he was as “all-in” as I was to give this a chance. Knowing that we were both equally committed to taking this next step definitely played in my decision to make this big move for us.
In our discussions prior to making the decision, we also talked about our vision for the future. It has always been important for me to be with someone who is opened to living in different places over the world and to feel that my future is not limited to one country. Therefore, knowing that Daniël was also open to living elsewhere, including Canada, was very reassuring for me. It also reinforced the feeling that he and I have the same vision for our future and that just made me love him more. For the first time, I didn’t feel “stuck” at the idea of being in a relationship. I’ve always been scared that being with someone would limit me in my dreams and life goals, but being with Daniël not only makes them remain possible, but also makes them even more exciting.
The Netherlands
When I was thinking of living abroad again, my first idea was to go back to an island. Having loved the months I had spent in the Cook Islands, I was eager to go back to island life, its warm tropical weather and laid-back attitude. However, part of me also wanted to go back to Europe, which, although I haven’t spent that much time in, already felt like my second home. The Netherlands had already been on top of my list for a while. There is just something about that country and its culture that had sparked something in me. And with every visit I had made to this country in the past, I had fallen a little bit more in love with it every time.
Therefore, the idea of moving to Daniël’s country was already something that interested me from the start. Of course, it helped make the decision even easier for me. Not only was I excited to finally be with Daniël, but the idea of living in The Netherlands itself was very exciting as well.
Of course, like every time before, the hard part is always to leave my family and friends. Being very close to them, it is something that has always been a struggle for me when moving abroad. There is always this feeling of being torn between living your dream life or having the people you care about be a part of your life in person. However, at some point you realize that you can’t sacrifice your dreams to stay physically close to people and that your true friends will always be there, no matter the kilometres that separate you. It’s heartbreaking. Every time. But deep down, you know it is the right decision.
Pursuing a career around the world
Last but not least, something that was very important to me before making this decision was making sure that I wouldn’t be sacrificing my career and everything I have worked for so far. In my early twenties, I had sacrificed earning a bigger salary to gain international experience. Although I have absolutely no regrets in this regard, I knew that this time, I wanted to continue making a step forward in my career with my next move. I wanted to find a position that sounded truly exciting and I knew I wanted to try something a little different. One thing was certain, I didn’t want to settle for “just another job” for the sake of being with a man. My career is important to me and I was determined to have it all.
Therefore, it was important for me to find my next career opportunity before moving officially. I started my research way before being sure that I was ready to move, just to get an idea of what was out there and what kind of opportunity I could be looking at in Amsterdam. Luckily enough, one day, I stumbled upon a position I had long wished for and it seemed like all my dreams were coming true.
When the stars (finally!) align
A year and a half ago, I was alone in my little studio in Canada, completely lost in what I wanted in life. The pandemic challenged me to face my fears and to come to realize what I truly want it my life. It gave me the clarity I needed, cut from external influences for a moment and to pursue the life I dreamed of.
Never, however, would I have expected that once I found my way and started to shift my mindset to create this life I now knew I wanted, everything would start falling into place by itself. I found love, I found my dream job and I’m living my dream life abroad. It’s a bit scary when you realize that all your dreams have come true, but damn does it feel right! Now the question is… what’s next?