On January 15th 2022, I left Quebec. I was going to join my boyfriend, Daniël, who is Dutch, in his hometown: Amsterdam. After selling my furniture, my car and sorting through all my possessions, I packed my life into 2 suitcases and took the plane. After searching myself for several years, uncertain of what I wanted, I had never been so certain of a decision in my life.
Having already lived abroad several times, I felt very zen at the idea of repeating the experience. In addition, with Amsterdam being a big European capital, I had no doubt that the adaptation would be easy, or at least easier than other places I had moved to in the past.
I had no idea that 2022 would be the most intense year of my life. Here is a little retrospective of the last 12 months…
Getting the visa
On October 17th 2021, we applied for my “Residence permit for partner“. We had to tell our story and include evidence of our relationship, including photos, screenshots of conversations, etc. Since we’d only had a long distance relationship thus far, we hoped that would be enough. It’s the most stressful process I’ve ever been through. There were so many papers to provide, including proof that I was not married in Canada. To do so, the proof had to be ordered from the Directeur de l’État civil du Québec.
What I did not understand at first, was that the document also had to be legalized for it to be eligible. On December 17th, so 2 months later, we therefore receive a message that my proof of non-marriage must be legalized, otherwise my visa application will be rejected. There was a whole process to follow to do so. I therefore first went to have the document authenticated by a notary, then approved by the Chambre des notaires du Québec.
On December 24th, I then went to the Embassy of The Netherlands in Ottawa to have the document legalized, just to end up being told that the Quebec process was not eligible and that I would have to redo the process at the federal level. The only provinces and territories eligible for legalization of documents in Canada for use in The Netherlands are: Alberta, British Columbia, Manitoba, Ontario, Prince Edward Island and the Northwest Territories. I had completely missed this information on the website.
For the other provinces, the process must therefore be done with Global Affairs Canada. Wait times at the federal level, however, were a minimum of 3 months. I burst into tears in front of the Dutch diplomat at the counter. Three months of waiting to finally be with the person I love after 1 year of long distance during a pandemic… it seemed unbearable to me. Then I was probably going to lose the job offer I got, because they wouldn’t wait another 3 months.
I had not apprehended that this process would be extremely emotional. Not knowing if your visa will be accepted and if you will finally be able to start a life with your boyfriend. To feel so close, yet always with the risk that everything could fall apart if the visa is refused. At each stage, an unbearable level of stress. And Daniël at 5500 km who felt so helpless…
After crying all the tears I had in Ottawa, I went into solution mode. Repeating the process at the federal level would take too long, I had to find something else. So I called the Dutch Consulate in Toronto (I was too embarrassed to return to the Embassy in Ottawa after crying in front of the diplomat) and asked them if they would agree to legalize a Quebec document authenticated in Ontario. After obtaining confirmation that this would be the case, I called the Government of Ontario to ask them if they could authenticate a document issued by the Government of Quebec. After they confirmed that if an Ontario notary authenticated the document, there was no problem, I looked for a notary in Ottawa (since I was already here!). Luckily I found one within 5 minutes who could give me a same day appointment.
Next step after the visit to the Ontario notary: have the document authenticated by the Government of Ontario. Their office being in Toronto, I would have to go there in person. If I were going all the way there, might as well have the document legalized afterwards by the Consulate of The Netherlands in Toronto, rather than returning to the Embassy in Ottawa. After hours of refreshing the web page in the hope that an appointment at the consulate would become available in a respectable time frame, I got an appointment for December 29th.
Accompanied by my parents and my sister, who supported me throughout this process and experienced the roller coaster of emotions with me, we drove to Toronto. After waiting a few hours at the Government of Ontario to have the document authenticated, I went to my appointment at the Consulate of The Netherlands, stressed as ever. The level of relief when the diplomat put the stamp on my document is indescribable. I then ran to the nearest Staples to scan the document and send it to Daniël as soon as possible for him to forward it to our case worker at immigration.
Two days later, on December 31st 2021, we received the official response: my visa was approved. What a way to end the year!
Getting ready to leave
I had already notified my job that I would be leaving shortly, so, as soon as I got my visa, I gave my 2 weeks notice and booked my plane tickets for January 14th, 2022. I therefore had 2 weeks to put my affairs in order and leave.
This time, I wouldn’t store everything at my parents’ house. I was leaving for an indefinite period and if I came back, I would start over. No going back to an old life this time around. So, I put all my furniture on Marketplace, gave my friends lots of gifts and sold my car. I canceled all my insurance and I put my affairs in order. That was the easy part.
The hardest part was still being in the middle of the pandemic. Not only did that mean I couldn’t see too many people before leaving, by fear of spreading the virus, but I also had to test negative before my flight or risk being refused boarding. After all the effort to get there, it wasn’t a risk I wanted to take. So, I said goodbye to most of my family and friends from a distance, by video or message. It was heartbreaking, but I focused on the next chapter that was coming and I managed to control my tears.
Arrival in The Netherlands
Upon arriving in Amsterdam, Daniël was waiting for me with the biggest smile. I jumped into his arms and said “I love you” for the first time (awwwwww). Then, we headed to the hotel. After dropping my bags, we left immediately, since we had managed to get an appointment the same day to take my fingerprints and photo in an immigration office in The Hague to complete the immigration process. After a night flight during which I hadn’t been able to sleep at all, I’ll let you imagine what my official photo looks like on my resident card…
I had booked a hotel room for 2 weeks, thinking that would be enough to find an apartment and move in… What a joke! My expectations couldn’t have been more wrong.
I had previously started looking for an apartment during the week before arriving, only to realize that it was a complete waste of time. With the housing crisis in The Netherlands, most of the apartments listed were already gone on the same day. For 2 weeks, we went to approximately fifteen visits, sometimes to be told that the apartment was already rented when we arrived at the appointment. In addition, the apartments we visited were not impressive. Gorgeous century-old buildings, but cheaply renovated with poor insulation, questionable room layout (bedroom too small for a queen bed?), dangerous stairwell (most historic apartment buildings in Amsterdam have kept the original stairwell, with steps so narrow you can only go up tiptoeing and so narrow that it would be impossible to climb with groceries in your arms) and, of course, a great risk of rat infestation for such an old building surrounded by canals.
We were losing hope. Then, I came across a completely new real estate development, in this new district called Oostenburg, which was the old industrial district. For those who know Montreal, it’s the equivalent of Griffintown. So we went to visit and it was love at first sight. Modern buildings with large stairwell and elevator, large windows and about double the m2 you can find in historic neighbourhoods, for a cheaper rent. The only problem: we would have to wait 2 months for the construction to be finished. Seeing no better option, we signed the contract, then packed up and moved in with Daniël’s parents in the picturesque royal town of Baarn.
The first months
It’s already something to arrive in a new country, but when you move in with your in-laws as well, it’s next level. Especially since we hadn’t met before…. It was really a scene like: “Hello, I’m Marie-Gil. Pleased to meet you. I’m moving in with you today.” Let’s say that it’s not how I had imagined developing a relationship with them. But hey, life made it happen like that and I’m grateful that they had the generosity to accommodate us for 2 months, taking the stress out of finding another temporary residence while waiting for our apartment and saving us 2 months rent at the same time. Looking back, even if it was intense, it also allowed me to develop a beautiful relationship with my in-laws, on a level that probably would have taken a lot longer otherwise. Family is so important to me and in circumstances where mine is thousands of miles away, I’m glad I found an adoptive family who welcomed me with open arms.
In the first few moments after arriving, we also had to take care of all the paperwork that came with coming to a new country: registering at the municipality, obtaining a BSN number (without which you can’t do anything), opening up a bank account, getting a local phone number, starting the integration process. I was glad that Daniël was there to help me translate and support me during all those steps.
Shortly after we moved into Daniël’s teenage room, I started my new job. I was so excited, I had been dreaming of this position for this company for more than a year and I was finally going to start! Unfortunately, it didn’t go as planned. A few events happened that made me realize that the values of the company I worked for didn’t match mine at all and that I was going to have to find something else. But with everything going on, I couldn’t be looking for a job on top of that, so I kept going until the rest of my new life settled down a bit.
In addition to realizing that I was unhappy at my new job, the apartment saga turned out to be much more difficult than expected: furniture deliveries on the wrong dates, out-of-stock products, poor customer service… we couldn’t catch a break! Another surprise was also that the apartment was delivered unpainted, which is not the information we had received. We were directly on the gyproc. So we primed and painted after work, sometimes until midnight, with just a few lamps to see what we were doing. We were completely exhausted. Let’s say that it also pushed our young couple to get to know each other quickly in non-obvious situations, where we were tired and with not much patience left.
Then, the furniture began to arrive little by little and we finally moved into our new home. There were still things to do, but at least we could finally have our privacy and start our life together. Now that this stress was over, I could focus on the issue of my job. I was not happy. I was tired all the time and I no longer recognized myself. On Sundays, I was stressed thinking I had to work on Mondays. Not only did I not share the values of the company, but I also quickly realized that what I thought was my dream job was not at all. I gave myself a few more months, then, after finding a new job, I made the decision to leave at the end of July. And suddenly, life became lighter. I quickly found myself again and it confirmed that I had made the right decision.
Integrating in The Netherlands
During the summer and while changing jobs, I also had the brilliant idea to choose this moment to start learning Dutch. Although I already speak several languages, I quickly realized that having to learn a non-Latin language was going to be a bit more challenging. I chose the NedLes school for my lessons, since they offer a different way of learning, focused on conversation and fast learning. So I had lessons twice a week. Each lesson lasts one hour and includes conversation only. We have to learn the material ourselves using a specific process online before the course. It takes about 3-4 hours of preparation per class. Although this method is quite intense, I must say that I was impressed with my level after only two months. On the other hand, with the start of a new job in August, with the heaviest workload I’ve ever experienced, it was too much. So I decided to take a break from learning the language to give myself a few months to feel comfortable in my new job and am therefore only starting my classes again in a few weeks, in February.
For my mandatory integration into the country, I have 3 years to reach level B1 in Dutch. I am now at level A1 and it should take me about 6 more months of intensive training to reach level B1. I will also have to pass a Dutch culture test in order to obtain the right to Dutch citizenship.
Another important thing to think about was my driver’s license. The Netherlands allows a foreign person to drive for 6 months in the country with their foreign license. After this period, the permit is no longer valid. So I had to get a Dutch driver’s license. Fortunately for me, The Netherlands has an agreement with Quebec, which allows Quebecers living in The Netherlands to simply exchange their Quebec driver’s license for Dutch without redoing a driving test. Fortunately, it also goes both ways. So, if I come back to live in Quebec one day, I can simply do the exchange for a Quebec license.
Travelling & people visiting in Amsterdam
One of the reasons why I was looking forward to living in Europe was also to be able to travel to several other European countries at low cost, something that is difficult to do from Montreal… and I took full advantage of it! Over the past year, I have been able to travel to France, Italy (multiple times), Norway and the Czech Republic, in addition to a trip to another region of The Netherlands.
I also had the pleasure of a few visits to Amsterdam. Three friends from Montreal made the detour to Amsterdam during their stay in Europe to come see me and discover my new life in The Netherlands. It was really heart-warming to me.
When I announced my departure last year, everyone hastened to tell me that this time, I was going to live in an accessible destination, with direct plane tickets at an affordable price and that I could be certain that they would come visit me. There was so much enthusiasm for my new adopted country and so many promises that were made, that my expectations for visits were high. Then, little by little, all my friends had other priorities. Suddenly, The Netherlands was not such an interesting destination to go to, even for just a few days. Suddenly, there was no interest in seeing where I live and what my life is like in this new country. Suddenly, it was going to be me who has to make the effort to see my friends every time.
Of course, it was my decision to go to another country. I therefore understand that it is not the responsibility of my friends to pay for the plane ticket to come and see me. It’s just that when everyone tells you to expect their visit, and then it’s reason after reason not to come, you realize that it was words spoken on the spur of the moment, excitement that hadn’t really been thought about beforehand. But hey, I’ve learned my lesson well now and I don’t expect any more visits. But still, it warmed my heart that a few friends made the effort. I also had a few visits from friends who live in Europe, which made me very happy too.
Then, my parents and my sister came to visit me, unfortunately during a period when there was a lot going on at work, but the joy of introducing them to my new life and seeing them in my new environment was indescribable.
It was also important for me to save time (and vacation days!) to return to Canada to see my family and friends. What I didn’t realize was that when I left, I was so focused on the excitement of this new chapter and the to-do list, that I never really grieved what I was leaving behind. The mourning of no longer going to my parents’ house to relax on weekends, the mourning of no longer seeing my best friend every week, the mourning of girls’ dinners on weekday evenings, the mourning of being so well surrounded by people at home that I love deeply.
It hit me when I returned to Canada in October. I tried to see as many people as possible and to introduce Daniël to all the people who are dear to me who had not yet met him. It was mission impossible to succeed in having everyone available at the same time and it was a busy week for Daniël who was navigating conversations mostly in French. The past few days were emotionally draining as I came to realize what I had left behind. I don’t regret my decision at all and I’m really happy in my new life. But I also became aware of the sacrifice that this life choice requires and I had to mourn it. I needed to come to terms with the fact that my relationship with my friends and family was now going to be different and that it’s ok.
Ending the year
The last months of the year will have been the most beautiful and serene for me. Daniël and I have finally found a rhythm of life that suits us and we finally could experience the “honeymoon” period of our relationship, which we could not have during the first months, simply being in survival mode. Of course, it was different to not celebrate the Holidays with my family, but I focus on the next visit. My challenge for the next year will be to find a balance that suits me between taking my vacation days to continue exploring the world and returning to Quebec to see my family and friends.
After a full year in The Netherlands now, I feel at home in Amsterdam. I know the city well, I’ve adopted the local mode of transport (cycling!), I have local friends, I have my little routine and I feel good. The last 365 days will have been intense, but will also have made me grow a lot.